I had a blog post started, as is my custom. I didn’t finish it, because I got distracted, and now I can’t finish it at all because that thought train has passed through the station already.

Overall, things are good. We love our church, it feels like home. We’ve been attending a small group on Friday nights, and started going to Sunday night prayer, too. Lucy has a hard time being left in kids church, so I haven’t heard a sermon in a while – We’re still trying to figure out the best way to navigate it.

I started attending a MOPs group this month. It’s a small group (apparently there’s one nearby that’s quite large, and kind of daunting,) and we only meet twice a month, but so far I’ve enjoyed it a lot. They seem like nice ladies, and I feel like I can be myself there. They also have child care, obviously, and Lucy has only gone with me once (the second time she and Isaac were sick,) and it didn’t go well, but I have a bag of stuff for just when we go out to places like that for her and Isaac to play with or read. Hopefully it’ll become a thing.

It’s Day Two of No TV for the Kids, and I gotta say – having a quiet house is nice. I think Lucy is already benefiting from it, and I think it will end up being really good for all of us. It forces me to DO things that I have WANTED to do with them, but just took the easy (read: lazy) route. I don’t like being that way. I know I can be better.

Yesterday, we went to the library – no storytime or anything, just to play and color. There were a couple kids there for a little bit, but after they left we had the room to ourselves. Lucy had fun, I think. I want to make the Library a more regular spot, so that they’re excited to go. Same thing with church. I want my kids to be as excited about church, and reading, as they are when the TV would get turned on (it sounds so bad to say. Isaac gets so excited when the TV turns on. So THIS is mom guilt. UGH my eyes can’t roll back into my head far enough. Seriously.)

I love my kids. They’re smart. I don’t want to do them a disservice by letting them just look at TV all the time. It can be a special thing (I can’t wait until they choose movies from the library for a movie night!) It can be a Saturday thing. But otherwise – unless we’re sick as dogs – going TV free for the kids I think will be very, very good. And it will end up making Tim and I TV free for the most part, too.

My mother bought me sneakers. My feet have gone up a size with each pregnancy (also good birth control) so now I wear a size 12 shoe, and it’s a huge pain. Ultra chubby with big feet – keeping me clothed is expensive -eyeroll- So dumb. I don’t know what it is that I just can’t shake to get me to take exercise more seriously. Every day I encounter reasons why I need to do it. I have no excuse to not do it. I know how to lose weight. I HAVE ALL THE RESOURCES but none of the drive. I don’t understand. Maybe the simple answer is I’m just being disobedient. The Bible tells us to take care of our bodies. If you asked me “do you think you are taking care of yourself?” I’d say no. I’m just not. In any way.

That has to change, but I can’t just try doing the same thing I always do. Something has to CHANGE.

Sigh. I’m not bad. I have been worse. But I could be better. I can always be better.

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