It has been, so far, a mediocre month, at best.
When you’re single, you get to do anything you want, within the boundaries of your resources. It can be great. If you’re earning an income, you have a LOT of liberty. Money, however people may try to tell you otherwise, is a very liberating resource. Your spare time is yours to use, however you please! Someone shoots you a text to go grab lunch in an hour? “Yeah, definitely. I make money, AND it’s my day off, so I can do whatever I want!” When you’re single, you have girlfriends, and coworkers, and other varying social circles – people to spend time with, talk to, vent to, listen to, etc.
Then, sometimes, you get married. By this point, your spouse is your favorite person. You don’t care if you don’t get to see your other friends quite as often because dang! You’ve got someone who loves you, and who wants to spend the rest of their life with you! However, you do still see your friends – sometimes your spouse tags along, sometimes you have girls nights. Maybe you’re still working, too, so you’re seeing a lot of people, every day. You’re doing something fun every week. If anything, your social life has evolved for the better, because now you can go on double dates, and you know you always have someone around to do something with.
Then, sometimes, you have kids. And your kids are amazing. They’re cute, and cuddly, and you all adore each other. Watching them learn, and grow, it’s the best. After the first baby, everyone is so excited, they can’t wait to be aunties and uncles, and they can’t wait to shower your baby with love, and gifts, and attention. They can’t wait to be available to you when you need a hand. After the second baby, they’re excited to meet the new bundle. But life has been moving steadily onward. Your unavailability – be it due to time, or finances, is starting to show it’s affect on your relationships. Or maybe one of your kids got really sick…and some people didn’t understand why your sick, and dying baby took precedence over them, and you have to cut ties with some people. No matter the reason, things just start to shift.
So you start sinking into your house. Life isn’t bad. It’s just…not what it used to be. Texts you write go unanswered. Some people respond to your blatant cry for help, and you soak it in – that interaction. Those 15 minutes of friendship that give you a boost. But the people who you thought you were really close to? No where. They like a picture or two of your kids. They flaunt new relationships that they’re making. They’ve got hobbies, and lives, and you…well, you have a life too. It just doesn’t work with theirs.
Don’t even get me started on church.
Social media never used to be hard. But this month, it got hard – too hard. I’m hard enough on myself without Facebook and Instagram making me feel inadequate – not healthy enough, not rich enough, not educated enough, not good enough.
If I’m going to be left alone in my corner of the world, then I’ll be alone. People know where I live. People know my phone number. Social media makes it too easy to take friendships for granted, because we “see” people everyday, but never consider how your relationship with them is actually dying because that’s all the relationship is. A status update. I’m done. I’m done being a status update in people’s newsfeeds.
This isn’t the case for every relationship from my single life, and there are someone people that I’m building new, or revived relationships with, and I’m so thankful for that.
But I have to transition. My family’s and my well-being depend on it. What was it that Pastor Tim always said? To go with the life – go where the life is. So that’s what I’m doing.
Social media is killing me inside. So I’m leaving.