A child in chaos.

Some people often express how glad they are that they don’t have children, because “everything in the world is so crazy! I don’t want my kid to have to deal with this!” I get it. Sort of. The world has been crazy since before you were born, though – you still can make a difference.

Children are humanity’s chance at a bank slate. The people who raise children have the opportunity to start a ripple effect of a new kind of people in the world. Children have more influence than we are inclined to think they have…a lot of people see them as these tiny masses taking up space. However, we forget that children become what we make them, and that we have the chance to raise children that will make a difference. I have the chance to raise a child that will make a difference.

My aunt asked me last weekend if I was afraid to have a child in this insanity – something along those lines. I used to be. Why wouldn’t I be? Rapists are being given get out of jail free cards, numerous felonies by a person in power are being brushed off like a first-time misdemeanor by a kid who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, people are killing – and being killed – because we live in a world that tells us we don’t know who to trust anymore. There are plenty of reasons in just this summer alone, to be worried about bringing a child into this world.

I’m not afraid anymore, though. I can’t be. I’m 20 weeks pregnant. This baby is really inside me, and it’s really going to be born in just a few months. I have said for a long time, before the possibility of me having a baby was even a thing, that if I get pregnant, then so be it. It’s the Lord’s will. I’m a radical person, I know, letting God be my birth control. But the Bible says that the Lord doesn’t give us more than we can handle, and that if we are obedient, we will be kept in His perfect will. I want to live God’s will for my life, and having a baby is a part of that. For the sake of my baby, and those around me, I can’t afford to be afraid.

I remember the moment when I was scared to have my baby. It was several weeks ago, when Brock Turner was still trending, and people pretended like it mattered. I was sitting in my car, outside of our apartment, and was just worried. My baby is going to be born into madness. We barely have time to catch our breath from shouting our opinions about one crisis, before another takes its place. Facebook is where people think they make a difference, because they can tell everyone at once what they really think about the terror threats, or lack thereof. The NRA isn’t following you on Twitter, guys. You want to do something about gun control, get out there and do something already.

Anyway. I came face to face with the reality of how different my child’s life will be from mine. I grew up in a very Christian home, thank God, and there are a lot of things about this world that I did not encounter until my 20s. The chances of that being the case for my child are slim. Violence and perversion are becoming just a page filler in the newspaper. It’s the norm. You don’t have to be “from the hood” to know someone who struggles with a heroin addiction, or “watch your back” when you’re near a shady part of town because no place is safe. Our locations are known at all times. Anyone who wants to find us, can. It’s a dangerous world. It makes sense to be afraid.

But you know what isn’t dangerous? Jesus Christ, and His power, and His love. That’s what I have to put my faith in as I face this new life of parenthood. ┬áNot a presidential candidate, not a weapon, not a security system. These things can be rendered useless. My Jesus, however, cannot.

As I was sitting in my car, worrying about the world my baby is going to be born in, I felt the Holy Spirit comfort me, and tell me that my child is going to make a difference. Will it be in just one person’s life, or many? I don’t know. But I am experiencing the phenomenon of “from the womb, I knew you.” Jeremiah 1:5. It’s one thing to have been alive for over two decades and realize that God’s known your life before you were born, but it’s a completely other experience to know from the before this child growing inside me came to be, He knew their life, too. And I get to see it. My husband and I get to witness our child live, and grow, and prayerfully become a man or woman of God. When they go through heartbreak, or face the realities of the world, I can remind them, God wanted you here in this world for such a time as this.

I’m not just carrying a kid that I’m going to watch grow up, and hopefully teach good things to. I’m carrying a new vessel that God wants to use to make a difference in a world so bound by hate, and corruption.

That’s amazing. So, no. I’m not afraid of bringing a child into this insanity. God is bringing them into this insanity, for such a time as this, and Tim and I are going to do our best to raise them in such a way that they realize that, and desire God’s will for their life.